Monday, November 21, 2011

Dear Author

My charaters want to say stuff to me:
Dear Author,
I know you kinda want me to grow up already, but really I like being a teenager. It suits me better and I get to feel the first love when it's just very new and all. Just one little request, could you make Katariina's divorce happen a little sooner? I really would like to be with her and just her. And why do you have to make Kevin so nice? I would be a lot easier to hate him for being married to the woman I love if he wasn't so goddamn nice. We'll I guess I'll manage, since I know they are gonna get divorce when I turn 18 (and move to her house <3). (I know glimpses about my life after that and it seems really scary. Please don't kill me, thanks!)
Yours truly,
Hanna Harmaaranta
Dear Author,
why do you make me fall in love? It's so not me. And suddenly I have have all these feelings and I feel lost? WTF are you doing to me? Well, I guess I'll manage if you keep Hanna at bay. She could be a little more submissive still, I think she's not as devouted to me as I'd like to.
Katariina Rosendahl
P.S. Thanks for letting me kill people! That's awesome, I've always wanted to do that. I just hate that I have to wait for that until I'm 35.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

You know you're writing lit fic when

Ok, I was going throught this thread and decided to pick the ones that apply to me. LitFic is so for me. <3
  • People ask you a direct, simple questions about your novel and your answer always seems to be "uuuuhhhhhh..." 
  • After planning your novel for weeks, you realise you have neglected the plot.
  • when you can write five thousand words and then realize that your character is alone in a room and hasn't said a word the entire time.
  • when you get about 50K words into the thing, you get distracted by the thought that you're actually writing a huge interconnected multilevel personal essay, which of course will be impossible to sell to a publisher, let alone market
  • When you sit back after planning and think "you know what,even I probably wouldn't read this."
  • There are so many cigarettes in your novel you gave up quitting.
  • You're not sure if you're stable enough to be writing about anyone who is that messed up. 
  • Making tea counts as 'action'.
  • Your character is doomed to spend over three fourths of the book literally talking to herself/himself.
  • All weather is more than just weather!
  • When you're planning on killing a character in the first chapter, but you're not writing a murder mystery.
  • When your main character doesn't have any friends. Who needs those, anyway?
  • you're adding references to "Dante's Inferno", even though you've never read it. You just think it sounds amazing.
  • When you sit at the computer, try to think of a plot, and realize deep things about you character's past; and still have no plot.
  • When your so called plot is just characters experiencing life in whatever setting you decided to put them in.
  • When the MC has a meaningless or unsatisfying sexual encounter. 
  • When you spend twenty minutes searching name meanings so that you can use a name with the same meaning from a character from a previous book, so that people who look can realize the connection.
  • When literature itself is a theme.
  • When you have the most fun writing about a crazy person
  • When the main villain is an emotion
  • When your entire novel is a flashback with flashbacks within the flashbacks.  There are no "good" people, only the blindly naive.
  • You reference or allude to other works of Literary canon (10 points if you can make a non-obvious Shakespeare reference). 
  • When you start thinking the MC is actually completely insane, somewhere in an asylum telling these crazy stories.
  • When the central conflict doesn't get resolved until years after one party has died.
  • When you do include dialogue but it takes several pages just to have a simple conversation because there is more internal dialogue and description and mini-flashbacks than there is actual dialogue between characters.
  • When your character thinks they might have been alive for all of time. 
  • When one of your characters says "I'm in love" and that translates as "I'm in deep shit"
  • When someone says to you, "God, that's so depressing. Don't you write anything happy or light?"
  • People ask who the "good" or "bad" guys are in your novel and you have to explain that they're all just people - not good, bad, or anything else.


Monday, November 7, 2011

Nanoismeja

Kiitos sanasotien ja Write or Dien saamme taas nauttia nanoismeista. Tässä vähän omia:
"Tajian etät mitnä todella aghaluan tehdä sen."
"näyttää pelästyneeltä kun änkee verta sormissaan."
"mitä täällä papahtuu."
"jos ihminen voi itse päpättää kohtalostaan?”

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Googlen kääntäjä

Leikin Google kääntäjällä pienen tekstinpätkän kanssa, ja hauskaahan tosta tuli. suosikkikohdat.

Alkuperäinen:
Käperryn hänen kainaloonsa ja painan pääni hänen rintakehäänsä vasten. En seuraa, enkä edes katso elokuvaa. Minä vain nautin hänen läheisyydestään, en ole pitkään aikaan kokenut tätä. Tätä, että ollaan vaan, lähekkäin ja vierekkäin. Ilman vaatimuksia, ilman suuttumusta tai edes kiihkoa. Hän naurahtaa jollekin asialle elokuvassa ja minä tunnen hänen rintakehänsä värisevän naurahduksen voimasta. Minäkin naurahdan, ilman että tiedän mille. Hänen tunteensa tarttuvat minuun eivätkä tunnut päästävän irti. Jos hän on surullinen, minäkin olen. Jos hän on vihainen minäkin olen, mutta aina itselleni, en koskaan hänelle. Nyt minä olen iloinen, tyytyväinen ja helpottunut. Eilinen on takana ja hän on rennompi. Hän ei ole vihainen, ei ainakaan näytä sitä.

Englanniksi:
Cuddle up to his arm, and I press my head against his chest. I do not follow, and I do not even see the movie. I just enjoyed her closeness, I have not experienced this for a long time. This, that is, but, close to each other and side by side. Without standards, without anger or even passion. He laughs about it to any movie, and I feel his chest vibrate chuckle power. I, too, laughed, without that I know for. His feelings and do not stick to me you seem to get away from. If he is sad, I am. If he is angry I am, but always for myself, I never for him. Now I am happy, pleased and relieved. Yesterday is over and he is more relaxed. He's not angry, at least not show it.

Englanninkielinen käännetty takaisin suomeksi:
Käperry hänen käsivartensa, ja painan pääni rintaansa vasten. En seuraa, enkä edes nähdä elokuvan. Minä vain nautin hänen läheisyyttä, en ole kokenut tätä jo pitkään. Tämä, että on, mutta lähellä toisiaan ja vierekkäin. Ilman standardeja, ilman vihaa tai jopa intohimoa. Hän nauraa asialle mitään elokuva, ja tunnen rintaansa värisevän hihittää valtaa. Minäkin nauroi, ilman että tiedän. Tunteitaan ja Älä takerru minua te näytätte päästä pois. Jos hän on surullinen, olen. Jos hän on vihainen olen, mutta aina itselleni, en koskaan hänelle. Nyt olen onnellinen, tyytyväinen ja helpottunut. Eilen on ohi ja hän on rennompaa. Hän ei ole vihainen, ei ainakaan näytä sitä.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Hanna

nimi: Hanna
ikä: 22
pituus: 165 cm
paino: vaihtelee, 48kg - 62kg
asuinpaikka: Espoo (tai Helsinki)

Katariina


nimi: Katariina
ikä: 32
pituus: 171 cm
paino: 58kg
asuinpaikka: Espoo (tai Helsinki)